school

If there's one thing that's stressing me out right now, it's definitely school. If any of you recall last semester I sort of threw in the towel with applying to Eastern's nursing program because I was falling below the competitive line and with how hard I worked there was no way I was going to apply to be told, "well you're a fucking loser, pedal your shit elsewhere."

So I had researched other programs like a crazy person a found the best alternative; the best alternative still required that I take yet another class. I was waitlisted for the computer course I needed for what I thought was a December application deadline to start Winter 2017. Well, firstly I missed the email that said, "yo, it's your turn to get off the waitlist" and I had to waitlist AGAIN and I did not get a second chance. Secondly, I must have looked at the dates wrong or they changed them but the deadline now is in January for Fall 2017. Fuuuuuuuuu. I am catching zero breaks. Thirdly, after starting my new job I'm not even sure I want or can be a nurse. Some of this stuff I see is horrid and stomach wrenching. And the key word here is SEE. I feel woozy just looking at some of these people let alone having the compassion to care for them!

Then it was time to scramble. Do I go for nursing and switch if I can't handle? Do I switch back for an easy Bachelor's? What about my pell grants and maxxed out loans? Slkfoieawjfoajbsdoviajseofinbaoisdrfjaosjf. I decided that I would enroll in classes to fulfill my Psychology/Health Administration degree. I still owed a bit of a balance to Eastern and before I could register I needed to pay it off. My dad and stepmom helped me with that and I was able to register. Once everything was all squared away I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Throwing away that year of hard work and classes that would literally be for nothing weighed VERY heavy on me. So.. I withdrew from them and got on track to apply for Nursing again. Well, then I felt the horrible debate again. And, I am going for straight Health Administration now. Ultimately I don't believe I am cut out for Nursing, nor am I passionate enough.

TRUEMU.

Leia

experimenting with sleep

Over the past 7-10 days I have felt completely at my wits end with Miss Piper. She has truly given us a run for our money in the sleep department. Yes, I guess this is 'normal' behavior for babies and toddlers, but we are 100% not used to it and have never really adjusted to it.

When Kennedy was born we were prepared to deal with all stereotypical baby things. Never sleeping. Up all night and day. Crying when you leave the room. Crying when you put them down. Nope. Little did we know she would wind up being the most stellar specimen. From 6 weeks on she slept through the night and would typically sleep until 10-11am (which was especially helpful since I was one working til midnight like I am now).

So DOI! Of course we thought having another would be the same amazing experience! In the back our minds though we kept conjuring up images of this hellish child because of how wonderful Kennedy was. This has come true when it comes to certain things; mainly sleep. I'm not really sure where the problem arises. We've never been ones to let her fall asleep each night in our bed, or on the couch with us. She's been in her own sleep space (whether a portable crib/bassinet in our room in the very beginning to her own bed) and she's had a mainly normal bedtime routine aside from the time slightly differing from night to night. It's not has if we've given her improper sleep training.

Things I took into consideration were her diet which is why I first tried eliminating large amounts of dairy and why I initially switched her to almond and soy milk. We haven't seen a large difference when it comes to this. Other allergies that may be causing her to be congested a lot and/or battling a runny nose. Yah, it's no fun to try and sleep when you can't breath or have a drippy nostril all night.

Now that I've hit desperate levels of sleep exhaustion I've went to the extreme.

That's right, I took to giving my precious, if not exhausting baby daughter melatonin. A million bad mom points? While doctors are unsure what the effects of long term use are and while it should not be used in replace of good sleep habits, there are no immediate life threatening or dangerous side effects. Okay, let's get ready to rumble!

While I had hoped to find liquid drops I only found the 3mg tablets by Nature Made. Recommended doses for small children is 1mg, so I promptly divided the tablet as evenly as possible and disguised it in food as if she were a puppy.

Guys, the effects were almost immediate. She was asleep in under thirty minutes! Lo and behold, this did not last long. She woke up a couple hours later absolutely fretful. I assumed it had something to do with something she had eaten was disagreeing with her because she was irritable and gassy. The next night I tried again and we saw the same immediate sleep, but we also saw the same irritableness. Again, I thought food related. Night three we decided we would remove the paci from the situation since she was falling asleep so incredibly easily with the addition of melatonin. Okay, she's horribly upset again. I took to Google for some more melatonin "research". That's when I found that while UNLIKELY, melatonin can cause abdominal discomfort and irritability. Thanks, Mayo Clinic! Of course Piper would be the exception. OF COURSE!

So now we've just been trying other combinations during her night/bedtime routine.

• Normal dinner, normal bedtime, no paci
• Snacking after dinner, normal bedtime, no paci
• Normal dinner time, up late, no paci
• Snacking after dinner, up late, no paci
• No nap during the day with these other options

In addition to no paci at night we've taken it away during the day as well. I will give it back to her for nap times and possibly bed if her sleep does not improve. She is still very much a baby and I don't want her 'suffering' for no apparent cause.

It's just stressful, but last night we had a little break through. I worked until midnight last night and woke up earlier than normal for school (thanks to this HUGE winter storm we supposed to get hit with.. yeah, not even a dusting of snow) and felt horribly drained but at the same time I couldn't remember being woken up by Piper. My fingers are crossed that she slept the whole night and that this trend continues.

This also helps me through the madness of it all.

Mombie status.

Leia